


Grief and Waiting

by Emrysmeanseternity



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:35:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23050309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emrysmeanseternity/pseuds/Emrysmeanseternity
Summary: Merlin is desperate for Arthur to come back, centuries of waiting and ruminating and he wants Arthur back
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	1. A promise for tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> No profit. Characters and show are property of BBC and Shine. Also plot. I just deviated bc I wanted some fluff and romance.   
> But really Arthur and Merlin are literal legends. So...

It had been centuries. Merlin clung on to the hope that Arthur would return- like it was his lifeline. He couldn't cry anymore, but he couldn't let his friends go either. Lancelot, Elyan, Gwaine, Gwen, Gaius; his tears had run dry, now all that was left was a gaping hole in his heart and a missing sense of purpose.

The lake of Avalon still stretched far, a broken magnificence that did nothing to appease the ache in his chest. Seeing the lake, and the crumbling tower served as a reminder of what once was. He missed them: often he had cried out at the world for his pain and loss.

Centuries. He had spent them alone, too afraid to get close to anyone else just to see them taken away. Even with his age he outlived many able people- his hair grew long and white, face lined with the creases of memories, his eyes darkened with the anguish of years.  
Merlin's experience rivalled only that of the wizened earth, and his sorrow weighed upon him like a cursed burden. He never used his magic once since Camelot fell, all this years ago.

He passed the lake on his way home, but he couldn't look at it anymore because there was no point, he had long since given up waiting for the king to rise. He breathed deeply, sparing a fleeting thought before continuing on.

When Camelot still existed, the world seemed so small. It had all changed so much. A place that he visited now, that hadn't changed since then, were the Stones of Nemeton. He would stand there debating whether sounding the horn to see Arthur was right, if it would help, or just make things worse. Each year at Beltane, the same thoughts ran through his mind:  
Will Arthur be there when I call? Arthur won't recognise me, he won't remember. Will Arthur come back?

Merlin could only do so much to keep himself from breaking apart.

... 

It was Beltane. His heart was pounding and his magic flowing with his blood. The man clutched the horn in his hands as he stood in the centre of the ring of stones, braving the howling wing and lashing rain. He raised it to his lips, inhaling a breath before blowing the horn.

The veil opened and he stepped through. He was met with a blinding white that was dimming, slowly, just enough to see another figure.

Arthur.

Merlin's eyes filled with tears, overwhelmed with the sight of his old friend. He didn't think it would work but there he stood in all his former glory. His unruly blonde hair and blue eyes full of mirth.

"Merlin?"

"Arthur! I've missed you."

"Me too." Arthur had tears in his eyes too. "I'm so sorry."

"Arthur, when will you come back?" Merlin asked, his voice was small and defeated. "I can't keep waiting, I'm getting old. Albion's needed you many times, but you never came, now I need you. Please." All his feelings came out in anger. Merlin was shouting now, the magic, that had remained dormant for years after their deaths, broke through his barrier and changed him- his hair darkening to the ebony he had forgotten, eyes brightened with emotion, the creases smoothing into the pale soft skin of his youth. He was young again. His lack of magic use had caused him to suffer in different ways, apparently aging him was one of them.  
Back at the stones, the weather was rioting, a mighty storm. No-one could explain this sudden change.

Arthur just stood, watching, amazed at the power of his serv- his best friend and equal. Merlin was always more than just his manservant.

As Merlin calmed, so did the storm, but his changes stayed, his magic feeling powerful at his fingertips.

Arthur took tentative steps forward, reaching out. His expectations of being able to comfort the warlock were low, but it would still hurt if his hand passed through.

A warm shoulder met Arthur's hand, and he breathed in relief. He pulled Merlin to his chest and held him while the, now, young man sobbed.

The veil was closing.  
"Merlin, you have to go."

"I dont want to leave you."

"You have to go, Merlin. Dont look back but know that I lo-"

"Don't you dare, you can't say it to me if I can't say it back and hear it again." Arthur just hugged him again and kissed his forehead.

Merlin turned towards the veil, the tears brimming again. It took all his will power not to look back.  
Before he was fully out he could hear Arthur faintly, "I'll come back to you, love."

He saw the grass first and then the rocks, as he stumbled and fell unconscious...


	2. Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur keeps his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I wrote another version of this chapter but I somehow deleted it...and I had to write it again but it didn't sound quite as good.

Arthur awoke submerged underwater. He couldn't breathe. That thought made him jump-start into action: he flailed his way up to the surface which was just as dark as the lake bed. 

His consciousness had been living a peaceful- _how long_ _had it_ been? Well, he'd spent a few long da- days? He'd seen Merlin, what seemed like, the day before but he'd been wearing clothes that he'd never seen before in his time alive. And then the Sidhe told him of the prophecy that he was part of in more detail than Merlin had had time to, so he was woken up to fulfil it "for the sake of Albion". As long as he got to see Merlin again that was okay. The fairies were fine company but they were weird. 

He took in his surroundings, glancing up at the sky full of stars, as if someone had spilled glitter on a dark rug. The moon hung high, it's light catching the river and creating an ethereal glow around him. He swam as best he could with the heavy armour, chain mail and soaking cotton of his cape weighing him down. He was gasping for air by the time he reached wading height, head still tilted back- to keep out of the water. 

Merlin spent the next two years waiting for Arthur with renewed hope. Arthur would return, he'd said so himself. Although, it'd been two years since that moment of weakness, maybe he'd ruined his chance. No- no. Arthur had said, he'd promised. 

His thoughts spiralled and he once again began missing his old friends, his family. He'd outlived his mother and Gaius, by more than a few decades. He'd outlived all those younger than him. There was no Hunith to pet his hair as he cried. No Gaius raising his eyebrow when he tried to hide away, in that I-know-you're-hiding-something way. No Gwen to gossip and giggle with, and wasn't there a lot he would've loved to tell her.  
He was all alone. 

So when his thoughts spiralled, they always led to him wondering whether his isolation had sent him to insanity. Whether Arthur had really been there, or if he'd just dreamed it or had a hallucination due to his overpowering loneliness and longing. 

He had another dream. The Dragon was in it, and so was Arthur. He couldn't quite remember what was said, but Arthur was coming out of the lake. He'd been avoiding the lake for years. Hoping this was real, he began walking past it again. 

Arthur waded out onto the shore where he collapsed, both gulping air and coughing up water. When he'd caught his breath, he wondered whether anything was still the same. The Sidhe tried their best to hide away from the outside world. Oh, and magic and Merlin. He had to see them and he had so much to tell his manservant, well, he supposed it was _ex_ -manservant now. He wasn't king anymore, not in this world. Dying, only to be resurrected _was_ inconvenient. 

He passed out at that.   
It wasn't exactly how get thought his return would play out. Where was the heroic walk, the sun bouncing off his armour, where was his halo?

On the day Arthur rose out of the lake, Merlin felt his magic get pulled- instead of passing the lake, he felt the need to go down and wait by the shore. He waited from noon onwards and was about to go back as the streetlights buzzed on, when he heard splashing. Surprised and a little scared, he went to find shelter in the darkness of the trees. From his hiding place he saw a gleam of gold, and a flash of silver. Armour? No, it couldn't be... could it? He waited until the figure collapsed on the shore, before he tentatively stepped out to investigate. It _looked_ like Arthur but, for all he knew, it could be another one of the tricks his magic played on him. 

He crouched by the body, gasping as he recognised the face. He reached out to touch it, and carded his fingers through the damp golden hair. He let out a shuddering sigh and a choking sob with the realisation that _this is real._ Merlin held his King's face between his palms and pressed his forehead against Arthur's. Tears fell as he relished the reality. 

Arthur awoke again. This time to warm rain? And someone was holding his face. He opened his eyes, slowly. He couldn't see who they were, but it seemed they were crying, based on the tiny sniffles he could hear. He tried coughing gently. Ah, that did it.

Merlin jumped back violently. His face, streaked with tears, was illuminated in the moonlight and he heard a gasp. 

"Merlin?" the familiarity of the voice nearly had him in tears again, he had almost forgotten it. 

"Hmm," the warlock squeaked, not trusting his voice not to break. 

A damp hand reached up and cooled his face that was warm with tears. Merlin leaned into it and chased after the feeling. The distance between them was too much and Merlin couldn't take it. He jumped on Arthur arms locking around him as the momentum pushed them onto the ground. Merlin started giggling hysterically when he felt Arthur's arms wrap around him in turn. Tears started streaming down his face as he quieted, but he couldn't bring himself to let go. It felt wonderful to feel him, whole and solid, beneath his fingers. To confirm that he was real.

"You're really here." Merlin whispered a prayer of thanks to the Goddess. 

"I'm really here." Arthur gripped Merlin tighter, "I'm sorry I took so long." 

Arthur Pendragon, not one to say "sorry" had finally said the dreaded word, which he once thought to be made up. An insurmountable amount of time with fairies can have that effect. 

Merlin looked up, arms still around the blond, a grin lighting up his already glowing face. Arthur’s breath hitched at the sight. 

"Merlin?"

"You're back. You've returned to me. You've finally come back," Merlin whispered as Arthur gently stroked his back and reassured him he was really there. Merlin couldn't help reconfirming that fact.   
  
"I'm here," Arthur promised, smiling in return.   
  
After a few minutes Merlin cleared his throat and stepped back, giving Arthur some space and him a chance to take Arthur in.   
  
Arthur's expression was a mixture of fond tenderness and confusion as he looked at Merlin in the dimming light.   
  
"Sorry about that," Merlin apologised. "Um, I'll get you some dry clothes and some food and we can talk about what happened while you were...gone." 

They trekked back to Merlin's cottage. Merlin in front, Arthur lagging behind. No-one batted an eye in the dark; cars ran past, horns blaring occasionally. 

Merlin unlocked the old wood door and let them in. They sagged on relief on the sofa in the living room. While Arthur lay there resting, Merlin went to get him new clothes. 

Arthur was ushered into the bathroom, and Merlin explained the concept of a flushing toilet and a shower- it was painstaking business. 

They once again collapsed on the sofa, Arthur dressed in Merlin's loosest pyjamas. A sigh of relief was released from both men. 

"You must have questions." then, after another sigh, "Ask away then." 

"They can wait, Merlin. For now I just nee- I just need..."

Soft snoring filled the room. Merlin looked down in worry, which then turned into a tender smile. He stroked Arthur’s hair and rearranged his body into a more comfortable position on the sofa. He found a blanket and tucked him in, pressing a gentle kiss to the forehead of his sleeping prince. 

Questions and answers could wait. They had all the time in the world. And that thought made Merlin smile so brightly, it felt as if nothing could end his new-found happiness. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments, and improvements are much appreciated :)


End file.
